


13 is never secure

by toadshouyo



Category: Haikyu, haikyuu
Genre: Anxiety, HEAVY mention of OCD, Mention of Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25433230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toadshouyo/pseuds/toadshouyo
Summary: this is just me self projecting, sorry sakusapls, note this fic heavily mentions OCD.p.s. i know it’s not good, i only started writing recently and english isn’t my first language!! also i know it’s super short, but i just wrote it in the spur of the moment for fun so yeah!!
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	13 is never secure

**Author's Note:**

> this is just me self projecting, sorry sakusa  
> pls, note this fic heavily mentions OCD.
> 
> p.s. i know it’s not good, i only started writing recently and english isn’t my first language!! also i know it’s super short, but i just wrote it in the spur of the moment for fun so yeah!!

Kiyoomi was lying in bed when suddenly that never ending spiral that was his mind started turning faster and faster. He felt like he was stuck on a carousel with technical difficulties. Begging the operator to stop it before he got flung off or worse, got stuck on it for the rest of his life. 

The carousel started spinning faster and faster as lights around him seemingly got more blurry and every noise more muffled. Until he felt like a cartoon character being hypnotized with spirals for pupils spinning in circles.

And suddenly the nerves in his body felt like landmines. Every hair on his body standing on end as they were going off at rapid speed. Over and over and over again. 

Every layer of clothing was too much, but not enough. One layer off, two layers on. Two layers off, one layer on. 

Socks being thrown across the room in frustration. Socks immediately being picked up. Socks being laid down. 

No, not like that. 

No, also not like that. 

What are you doing? Why are you like this? What’s wrong with you, it’s just socks? But what if something bad happens, just because you were to lazy to put your socks down neatly? What if your slacking causes someone’s death? Then what? Maybe if you weren’t so fucking lazy. 

Pick up the socks.

Lay them down. 

No, not like that. 

Yes, like that. Now walk away before you rearrange it another 12 times.

Was it 12 times? What if you did it 13 times? 13 isn’t good, 13 isn’t okay. Make it 15 times. 15 feels safe, 15 feels secure.

Pick up the socks again.

Lay them down.

Pick up the socks.

Lay them down.

That makes 15, perfect. Not more, not less.

Your hands touched socks. Socks are dirty. This means your hands are dirty. Do you feel that? It’s the filth from those disgusting socks you just touched. Go wash your hands.

Turn on the sink.

Wet your hands.

Get soap.

Wash off the soap. 

Take a sip of water. Why does the tap water smell like that? Has it always smelt like that? Spit it out, it’s disgusting. Never drink tap water again. Tap water will now feel like drinking straight from a muddy pond. Dirtying your mouth with every drop. Never drink it again. Wipe your mouth, your lips are wet with the disgust you hold for yourself. 

You touched the kitchen sponge whilst reaching for the towel.

A sponge that’s used to clean.

Therefore it contains germs.

Wash your hands again. 

Kiyoomi felt like cloth that’s being wrung out by the hands of insanity. Never being able to catch a breath was getting tiring. It’s always been tiring. 

Feeling like your skin isn’t your own. Feeling every nerve in your body, every germ that makes it way on to it. Feeling like the world will end because of a pair of socks. 

So what if one day it ended? What if one day he doesn’t put his socks down 15 times? What if one day it will be 13, not more, not less?

What world will end if his was already crumbling down at rapid speed. The walls he’d built around him being broken by thoughts in the shape of a wrecking ball. 

Exhausting his entire body by running from the walls that were coming down. Crashing into him, onto him, in front of him, around him. Blocking every road to escape, if there ever was one to begin with.

Even if he escaped, even if he ever got so lucky, in the back of his mind 13 will never feel secure.


End file.
